My saint anything experience

With the release of Sarah Dessens new novel "Saint Anything", we learn about a character, Sydney who feels invisible to the world. She's young, she's shy, and she's going through a lot of family drama. There's one person who she isn't invisible to though, and hasn't been for a while it seems. Ames is Sydney's brothers best friend and he's promised to take care of his friends little sister while Peyton (the brother) is in jail. Everyone see Ames as a sweet guy willing to help everyone out. But what they don't know is how uncomfortable he makes Sydney feel. Ames is a quite a few years older than Sydney, and it's clear to her he has something more than protection on his mind when he's around her. 

Upon release of this novel Sarah took the opportunity to share a story about her younger years, when she was in a similar situation to Sydney. And after reading Sarah's story I wanted to share my experience as well. 

When I was 16/17 years old I felt like the third wheel in my group of friends as they all had a boyfriend and whenever we'd hang out and their boyfriends were around I felt left out and lonely. They decided they wanted to help me out by introducing me to a cousin of their boyfriends. The problem was this guy was 23 years old. 

The day I met him I felt weird and awkward and very uncomfortable. I have social anxiety so meeting people and being around strangers is hard enough for me, but when that stranger happens to be a guy nearly 7 years older than you, who you met with the intention of the two of you "getting together" it makes the whole thing a lot worse. I was unsure of myself, and him. I honestly didn't like the idea of "dating" a guy so much older than me, and to be honest it felt a little creepy, and weird, and gross to be around a guy in his twenties who wanted to be with someone so young. But I talked to him, sort of, and he wanted us to "give it a chance". I let my loneliness and vulnerability speak for me and I agreed. 

We honestly didn't hang out much as he actually lived 2 hours away. If I can recall correctly (as I've tried to block a lot of this time from my brain) we only really hung out once, and that was to go for a walk with my one friend and her boyfriend where we went to the park. We "kissed" (if a peck on the lips is considered kissing- which I don't really count) and it felt weird and wrong to me. I didn't like it. It wasn't right. A few days later I broke up with him over text message, as I wasn't planning on seeing him again for a while. The whole thing last about a week. 

A little while later I heard a rumor he had been fooling around with a 16 year old girl in a hot tub and I knew I made the right choice. I still don't know if this rumor was true or not, but regardless I feel better knowing I didn't pursue something that made me feel so uncomfortable. 

Let's fast forward to when I was 19. I met this guy through a friend of mine. He worked at subway, and would give us free subs. He was cute, funny. He loved to flirt with us. And he smelt so good (I loved whenever he gave me a hug). I didn't know how old he was but if I had to guess I would have thought he was 21 years old as he had a boyish look to him and, let's face it, he was slightly immature. I began to develop a crush on him. Than I found out he was 26 years old. 

Finding out he was 7 years older than me made me relive what had happened a few years before, and I withdrew myself from him. I Ignored my feelings, but continued to talk to him and accept the free food he offered me. I denied my feelings for him for a long time- 4 months. 

During those 4 months he made his feelings clear to me and one day he asked me out. I denied. Said I didn't like how much older he was than me and thought it would be weird. He pursued me for a few months, trying to convince me to go out with him. When I finally let down my walls to him, and let those feelings shine through, I realized how much I actually liked him. Finally I agreed to a date. 

Needless to say it was the best decision I ever made. This guy didn't make me feel weird and uncomfortable, on the contrary he made me feel safe and happy. I enjoyed spending time with him. I didn't get a sense of wrongness from him, it felt right. And now we've been together for 5 years and married for nearly 2 of those. I couldn't be happier that I had let this guy in to my life. 

But you have to look at the differences here. Before I was a young girl in highschool, unsure of myself and what I wanted. And he was a 23 year old who wanted to be with a teenager (creepy much?) When I met my husband I was older, wiser, and more mature. I was in college, I knew where I wanted my life to go. And I had gained experience from what had happened years before. And him? Well he was a young guy who was just looking to have some fun, but ended up falling in love. 

It's sort of funny how these things work. 

The only advice I have for young girls is trust yourself and your instincts. They're a lot more accurate than anyone gives you credits for. 

Till next time

Nessie <3