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As I sit here with tears streaming down my face I’m reminded of how much relationships suck. Why do people allow themselves to go through pain and heartache for another person. Why do people put all of their trust in to someone who is only going to hurt them in the end. And why does that person who does the hurting always have to be me. 

I’m a horrible person. I reek havoc on things that shouldn’t be a big deal. I explode letting everything burst out of me at the most inconvenient times. I destroy the things that are suppose to be built to last. Basically I’m an inferno in a dry wood. I will turn everything I touch to ash. 

So why do people still love me? Why do people still trust me? Why do people still want me? I’m worthless. 

But no matter how hard I try I can’t change. I’m stuck in this never ending cycle. There is something so wrong in my head something I can’t stop, can’t change, can’t step away from. It doesn’t matter what I do or say to myself, it’s inevitable. Eventually I’ll ruin it because I tried to ignore it, tried to change it. 

And some day all of this is going to catch up to me and my world will come crashing down into a million pieces. And it’ll all be my fault. And despite the fact it’ll suck it’ll hurt, it’l basically kill me- I’ll have deserved it.